How do you call a violist with two brain cells? Pregnant
hey guys congrats on Kronos!!! i really really enjoyed myself making music with all of you. I WANT A RECORDING OF IT!!! haha...there are other SE seniors who want a recording of it too..those who couldn't make it for the concert cos tickets were sold out...if not them being overseas...haha
oh btw...can't believe u guys forgot flowers for kelvyna chan! oopsie...and wilson, who was seated right next to her had flowers...saw mr. chan there too...wonder what he has to say? what are tan's comments on the concert like anw?
dinner after the concert was great too! hee...stupid josh and his tissue trick. can't believe i fell for it too...
anyway...this is the original viola joke...
From an advert in the newspaper:
Established string quartet requires two violinist and a cellist.
-----
let's have more viola jokes from THIS WEBSITE...
What's the difference between a viola and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a viola.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the definition of a minor second?
Two violists playing in unison.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the definiton of "perfect pitch?"
Throwing a viola into a dumpster without hitting the rim.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Entry Exam For The BBC Symphony Orchestra--Viola Players
The pass mark is 10% but be careful--over 45% and you are overqualified.
1. Who wrote the following:
a) Beethoven's Symphony No. 6
b) Fauré's Requiem
c) Wagner's Ring Cycle
[5 pts.]
2. Tschaikovsky wrote 6 symphonies including Symphony no. 4. Name the other five.
[5 pts.]
3. Explain "counterpoint" or write your name on the reverse of the paper.
[10 pts.]
4. Which of the following would you tuck under you chin?
a) a timpani
b) an organ
c) a 'cello
d) a viola
[1 pt.]
5. Can you explain "sonata form"? (Answer yes or no.)
[5 pts.]
6. Which of the following literary works was made the subject of a Verdi opera?
a) First among Equals -- Jeffrey Archer
b) Macbeth -- William Shakespeare
c) Noddy and Big Ears -- Enid Blyton
[5 pts.]
7. Domenico Scarlatti wrote 555 harpsichord sonatas for which instrument?
[5 pts.]
8. Arrange the following movements in order of speed, starting with the slowesa) Quickly
b) Slowly
c) Very Quickly
d) At a Moderate Pace
[4 pts.]
9. Where would you normally expect to find the conductor during a performance?
[5 pts.]
10. Which of the following wrote incidental music to A Midsummer Night's Dream?
a) Des O'Connor
b) Mickey Mouse
c) Felix Mendelssohn Bartholdy
d) Terry Wogan
[5 pts.]
11. Which of the following is the odd one out?
a) Sir Colin Davis
b) Andrew Davis
c) Sir Peter Maxwell Davies
d) Desmond Lynham
[5 pts.]
12. Arrange the following words into the name of a well known Puccini opera.
Bohème, La
[5 pts.]
13. Within five minutes, how long is Chopin's Minute Waltz?
[5 pts.]
14. From which of the following countries did Richard Strauss come?
a) Venezuela
b) Sri Lanka
c) Germany
d) Japan
[5 pts.]
15. For what town were Haydn's "Paris" Symphonies written?
[5 pts.]
16. Which is the odd one out?
a) Fantasy Overture Romeo and Juliet -- Tchaikovsky
b) Romeo and Juliet -- Berlioz
c) Romeo and Juliet Ballet -- Prokofiev
d) Ten Green Bottles -- anon.
[5 pts.]
17. From which song do the following lines come?
"God save our gracious Queen, Long live our noble Queen."
[5 pts.]
18. Spell the following musical terms.
allegro
rallentando
crotchet
pizzicato
intermezzo
[5 pts.]
19. Tosca is a character found in which Puccini opera?
[5 pts.]
20. Arrange the following letters to form the abbreviation for a well known British broadcasting corporation.
C, B, B.
[5 pts.]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A viola player decides that he's had enough of being a viola player--unappreciated, all those silly jokes. So he decides to change instruments.
He goes into a shop, and says, "I want to buy a violin."
The man behind the counter looks at him for a moment, and then says, "You must be a viola player."
The viola player is astonished, and says, "Well, yes, I am. But how did you know?"
"Well, sir, this is a fish-and-chip shop."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
my deepest apologies to the acjc SE viola section...
oh btw...can't believe u guys forgot flowers for kelvyna chan! oopsie...and wilson, who was seated right next to her had flowers...saw mr. chan there too...wonder what he has to say? what are tan's comments on the concert like anw?
dinner after the concert was great too! hee...stupid josh and his tissue trick. can't believe i fell for it too...
anyway...this is the original viola joke...
From an advert in the newspaper:
Established string quartet requires two violinist and a cellist.
let's have more viola jokes from THIS WEBSITE...
What's the difference between a viola and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a viola.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the definition of a minor second?
Two violists playing in unison.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the definiton of "perfect pitch?"
Throwing a viola into a dumpster without hitting the rim.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Entry Exam For The BBC Symphony Orchestra--Viola Players
The pass mark is 10% but be careful--over 45% and you are overqualified.
1. Who wrote the following:
a) Beethoven's Symphony No. 6
b) Fauré's Requiem
c) Wagner's Ring Cycle
[5 pts.]
2. Tschaikovsky wrote 6 symphonies including Symphony no. 4. Name the other five.
[5 pts.]
3. Explain "counterpoint" or write your name on the reverse of the paper.
[10 pts.]
4. Which of the following would you tuck under you chin?
a) a timpani
b) an organ
c) a 'cello
d) a viola
[1 pt.]
5. Can you explain "sonata form"? (Answer yes or no.)
[5 pts.]
6. Which of the following literary works was made the subject of a Verdi opera?
a) First among Equals -- Jeffrey Archer
b) Macbeth -- William Shakespeare
c) Noddy and Big Ears -- Enid Blyton
[5 pts.]
7. Domenico Scarlatti wrote 555 harpsichord sonatas for which instrument?
[5 pts.]
8. Arrange the following movements in order of speed, starting with the slowesa) Quickly
b) Slowly
c) Very Quickly
d) At a Moderate Pace
[4 pts.]
9. Where would you normally expect to find the conductor during a performance?
[5 pts.]
10. Which of the following wrote incidental music to A Midsummer Night's Dream?
a) Des O'Connor
b) Mickey Mouse
c) Felix Mendelssohn Bartholdy
d) Terry Wogan
[5 pts.]
11. Which of the following is the odd one out?
a) Sir Colin Davis
b) Andrew Davis
c) Sir Peter Maxwell Davies
d) Desmond Lynham
[5 pts.]
12. Arrange the following words into the name of a well known Puccini opera.
Bohème, La
[5 pts.]
13. Within five minutes, how long is Chopin's Minute Waltz?
[5 pts.]
14. From which of the following countries did Richard Strauss come?
a) Venezuela
b) Sri Lanka
c) Germany
d) Japan
[5 pts.]
15. For what town were Haydn's "Paris" Symphonies written?
[5 pts.]
16. Which is the odd one out?
a) Fantasy Overture Romeo and Juliet -- Tchaikovsky
b) Romeo and Juliet -- Berlioz
c) Romeo and Juliet Ballet -- Prokofiev
d) Ten Green Bottles -- anon.
[5 pts.]
17. From which song do the following lines come?
"God save our gracious Queen, Long live our noble Queen."
[5 pts.]
18. Spell the following musical terms.
allegro
rallentando
crotchet
pizzicato
intermezzo
[5 pts.]
19. Tosca is a character found in which Puccini opera?
[5 pts.]
20. Arrange the following letters to form the abbreviation for a well known British broadcasting corporation.
C, B, B.
[5 pts.]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A viola player decides that he's had enough of being a viola player--unappreciated, all those silly jokes. So he decides to change instruments.
He goes into a shop, and says, "I want to buy a violin."
The man behind the counter looks at him for a moment, and then says, "You must be a viola player."
The viola player is astonished, and says, "Well, yes, I am. But how did you know?"
"Well, sir, this is a fish-and-chip shop."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
my deepest apologies to the acjc SE viola section...
posted by emerald c at 8:41 AM
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